“Be a Good Girl”: How Childhood Conditioning Affects Us in Pregnancy
When you’re pregnant, people often say things like “trust your body” or “speak up for what you want.”
And while that’s excellent advice in theory, many women quickly find that actually doing those things… doesn’t come so easily.
Especially when you’ve spent your whole life being “a good girl.”
This isn’t just a throwaway cultural phrase. For many of us — especially women now in their 30s or 40s — it’s a deeply ingrained behavioural blueprint. And one that can quietly shape our experience of pregnancy, labour, and birth in ways we don’t always recognise until much later.
The Good Girl Script Starts Young
Think back. Remember being at the GP surgery as a child? Or the school nurse’s office? Most of us were praised for being quiet, not making a fuss. “She was such a good girl!” they’d say.
We learned to smile politely even when we felt nervous. To not ask too many questions. To be low-maintenance.
And while kindness and respect are lovely traits, this early conditioning also teaches us something more subtle:
That obedience equals safety. That compliance is rewarded. That questioning authority might backfire.
Fast forward to adulthood — to pregnancy — and suddenly you’re in a system that still quietly rewards those same behaviours. But now, the stakes are much higher.
Pregnancy Can Trigger Old Patterns
The thing is, birth is unpredictable. Intense. Emotional. Full of decisions and interactions with medical professionals.
Even if you’re a confident woman in everyday life, it’s amazing how quickly that inner “good girl” can resurface in pregnancy.
You might nod along in appointments without fully understanding. Or feel a little silly asking questions. Or get a gut feeling that something isn’t quite right… but stay quiet, because you don’t want to be difficult.
It’s not weakness. It’s just social conditioning, showing up when you least expect it.
And sometimes, that conditioning can interfere with physiological birth—not because your body isn’t capable, but because you’ve been taught to defer rather than decide.
Rewriting the Script with Hypnobirthing
This is where Hypnobirthing becomes more than just relaxation techniques.
It’s a way to peel back that “good girl” training and reconnect with your own inner authority.
When I teach Hypnobirthing here in Northumberland, I see women transform. They realise they can question what they’re being told. They can say no. They can trust their instincts—and their bodies.
And it’s not about confrontation. It’s about calm confidence.
Because your birth is not a test. You don’t need to pass or behave a certain way to be “allowed” a positive experience.
You deserve one because you are the one giving birth.
If you’ve ever struggled to advocate for yourself in pregnancy, you are not alone.
This isn’t a flaw—it’s conditioning.
And the good news? It’s never too late to rewrite that script.
All my love,
Ellie xxx
